Understimulated
My prescription of amphetamines has depleted, and I don't have another prescription to replace it. This poses a problem since I've been taking amphetamines for more than two years now, and my brain requires them. Days without them are out of nightmares, some of the worst I've ever faced. I'm so tired that all I want to do is find the cheapest hotel and crash.
Does anyone have any amphetamines?....anyone? I'm going to take a nap now. Wake me up sometime before Wednesday or Thursday.
READ IT IN THE BIBLE
READ IT IN THE BIBLEA Wonderful account from the “Holy Bible” from which we can all learn a valuable lesson.Numbers 22:21-30 (King James Version)21 And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab.22 And God’s anger was kindled because he went: and the angel of the LORD stood in the way for an adversary against him. Now he was riding upon his ass, and his two servants were with him.23 And the ass saw the angel of the LORD standing in the way, and his sword drawn in his hand: and the ass turned aside out of the way, and went into the field: and Balaam smote the ass, to turn her into the way.24 But the angel of the LORD stood in a path of the vineyards, a wall being on this side, and a wall on that side.25 And when the ass saw the angel of the LORD, she thrust herself unto the wall, and crushed Balaam’s foot against the wall: and he smote her again.26 And the angel of the LORD went further, and stood in a narrow place, where was no way to turn either to the right hand or to the left.27 And when the ass saw the angel of the LORD, she fell down under Balaam: and Balaam’s anger was kindled, and he smote the ass with a staff.28 And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, “What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?”29 And Balaam said unto the ass, “Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee.”30 And the ass said unto Balaam, “Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? Was I ever wont to do so unto thee?” And he said, “Nay.”Now, what lesson can one learn from reading this passage of scripture?- Never leave your sword at home
- Keep your ass out from between two hard places
- Watch out for angels, they’re tricky bastards
- Don’t beat your ass
- God talks out of His ass
- All of the above
Amen.
Word of the Retirement Home
So sad.I'm announcing the official retirement of the Word of the Day. Yes, vocabulary is an essential part of our grammatical lives. But this is the way is has to be, it's more important for you to learn to deal with it!Plus, I'm committed to my remarkable wife, Dayna, my fearless son, Hudson, and to the acquisition of the sum of human intellect. I don't have time to be an English professor, no pun intended.I will, however, continue to entertain you with the most unique and ornamental treasures of the world's punctual personality. This, in itself, is an challenging and daunting task. I am more than ready for the challenge.
THE FOUR-DIGIT MYSTERY
I have a particular interest in the United States Postal Service. I like to buy stamps from their wide selection; even the stamps I don't need: I currently have 2¢, 5¢, and 10¢ stamps on hand (about 25 of each, you know, just in case). The stamp shown is my [current] favorite, and most frequently used.
Anyway, I've often asked myself, "Self, what the hell is that four-digit number following your zip code on the letters you receive?"
I didn't know what it was called at first, so I started calling it my "subzip." Since then, I've heard the number referred to as "super-zip," "plus-four codes," or "add-on codes."
The appropriate term actually refers to all nine digits of the zip code; it is called the "ZIP+4" system. The additional four digits identify a geographic segment within a 5-digit delivery area, such as a city block, an apartment building, or an individual post office box. When used, it eliminates a necessary mail-sorting step, and helps streamline the delivery. This minimizes handling, and significantly reduces the risk of lost mail or misdelivery. In many cases, using the ZIP+4 system can reduce the delivery time by 1 or 2 days, depending on distance and location. Simply BRILLIANT! Best of all, it's FRIGGIN' FREE!
"How do I find this four-digit number?"
Simple, you can click the link below (you might want to add this to your favorites), type in the address to which you are sending your correspondance, and BAM! You've got your magic numbers. It's definitely going to make you a rock star my friend.
USPS - ZIP Code Lookup
let's get thursday out of the way. what's the word(s)?
Let's load 'em up and talk about
sex. Now, you all know atleast one British term for having sex;
shag. Well, what other terms do Brits use to refer to
sex?
Let me illustrate a scenario: A
bloke [
guy] goes to a
knocking shop [
brothel]; finds a dirty
bit of fluff [
sexual partner] he wants to
have it off [
have sex] with; passes her 100
quid [
bucks]; they both strip until they're
in the altogether [
naked] and
shag. Nice!
It's Wednesday's Word.
This morning, when I entered the parking lot, I ran over a sleeping policeman too fast. Why haven't I been taken into custody yet? Well, that's because a sleeping policeman is just a speed bump.Watch out for those bloody sons of bitches, they're sneaky blokes!
Tubesday's word of the day.
In America, to say that you knocked someone up means you're going to be a baby daddy soon; in Britain, this term simply means that you woke someone up. Big difference, good to know.
...And I think to myself...
my gorgeous hudson aleksander.
Monday, Monday's Word of the Day, yay!
A personal disclosure: When considering '[day of the week]'s Word of the Day' as the title of my word post project, readers should know that I never promised that the word of the day would always come in the
earlier part of the day; therefore I render myself innocent, so long as I present each day's word on that day.
All those who are with me...say w'sup?
{ W'SUP? }
I 'preciate that.
Now; To business. Seeing as it is now 60 minutes until prime time television is broadcasted, allow me to
thrust in what you've been
waiting to get all day long.
Welcome to Monday, Monday's Word of the Day: Have you ever eaten a banger for breakfast? If you've been a vegetarian your entire life, chances are you haven't. Banger is a British word meaning sausage.
A gang of bangers.
You have Friday's Word on it.
At last, my faithful fairy cakes! I know you've been standing by patiently, and you deserve a special treat for it. Friday will not only have one word, but
two words of the day! Oh, I know you must have just peed a little -- take a quick loo break if you need to, we'll wait...
Tick....tock.....tick....tock. Okay, let's hop to it, eh?
With respect to my recent experiences posted below, do you know what the [British] terms
bonnet and
boot mean? I'll give an example of their usage:
I opened the boot to get my jumper cables; then I popped the bonnets on both cars to connect the batteries.Go ahead and book your flight to London my friends, you're beginning to understand. Yes,
bonnet means the hood of a car, and
boot refers to the trunk of a car.
Splendid!
Just wait until you see which word Saturday brings.......ahhhhh, time for a loo break.
What a dutiful morning!
Whew!
Today's was a rough morning, I wasn't able to show up to work until 1:30 in the afternoon. Do you want to hear about it?.......No? Tough shit, have a seat!
It started last night when I met Priscilla (my sister) in front of Priscilla of Boston in Uptown Park (Houston) so that she could take Hudson for the weekend. When she tried to start her car (2000 Jeep Grand Cherokee) it wouldn't start.
I worked on it as much as I knew how, consulting with experts, taking suggestions, ultimately resulting in no resolve. After a short while Hudson was getting pissed, and would not hear of staying there any longer, he was hungry and had much baby business he had to attend to. He demanded that we take him back to his crib immediately and that I had to ride in the back seat with him while Priscilla drove our car.When we got back to Hudson's crib, I grabbed the necessary equipment and went back to ground zero. After a good man-hour of work, I determined that the battery had reached its complete demise, and could not be relied upon, even with a jump-start. I made the conclusion that I would need to return to ground zero as soon as possible this morning with a new battery.After taking Dayna (my wife) to work this morning I purchased a new battery and returned to ground zero. With minimal equipment I struggled to extract the lifeless battery. After more than an hour, using everything from tweezers to the "jaws of life," I was able to free the retired corpse, which I pronounced dead at the scene, just to add a little drama to the situation. The remaining two hours of my paid time off included the installation of a spanking new battery (and I think it was a little queer too), returning to Hudson's crib to pick him and Priscilla up, and returning to ground zero for one last time to retrieve my faithful Ford Focus.Once again, whew!
Words Like "Yonder"
Jake recently posted a WORD OF THE WEEK on his outstanding blog, "SLO-MO Productions INC" and I thought that it was a grand idea upon which I would like to expand.
What a wonderful word, yonder. It makes our life better to understand that word, because it builds our vocabulary and makes us sound intelligent. What's even more wonderful about yonder? It has three different meanings. That makes it "YONDERFUL."
As an adverb it would mean In or at that indicated place, as in "Those A-rabs over yonder."
As an adjective it would mean Being at an indicated distance, usually within sight, as in "Insurgents are hiding in that yonder schoolhouse. Nucular them!"
Similar to that, as a pronoun it would mean One that is at an indicated place, usually within sight, as in "Any of yonder Moz-lims look s'spicious t'you?"
Knowledge is a beautiful thing, so here's what I'd like to do: WORD OF THE DAY, only I will name each daily word by the day on which it comes (Monday's Word, Tuesday's Word, and so on). This, I think, would make the words a little more posessive and specialized. In addition, I would like les mots du jour to come in series'. Soooo.....
Starting today -- right now -- until I run out of words, I would like to spotlight a series of words that I will call:
Words and Slang from the Land of the Brits
Just to give you a preview of the knowledge you will have at the end of this series, I would like you to take a look at the description of my blog. "A Dab Hand Window Licker's Sticky Wicket." Anyone know what that means, anyone?............Anyone?.................NO YOU DON'T. Do you know why you don't? Because you're not from the land of the Brits. If you were from the land of the Brits you would know what it means, and you would understand, because it would make perfect sense.
Dayna (my wife) was born in the land of the Brits. Therefore, since I have knowledge in the words and slang from the land of the Brits, I will tell you that it means.
A Dab Hand Window Licker's Sticky Wicket translates to A highly skilled nutcase's difficult and awkward situation. Marvelous. Now, let's commence.
MONDAY'S WORD IS: COLLYWOBBLES, meaning "butterflies in the stomach." Let's see if we can use it in a sentence: [in an older lady's high-pitched British voice] "You're running late Geoffrey, hurry up and grab your collywobbles."
I wonder what tomorrow's word will be.....hoo hoo hooo!
Simon, Please don't burst Jake's birthday bubble.
Jake wants to see Duran Duran for his birthday. I don't know why -- just look at their clothes! I feel now like I think I would feel if Hudson begged me to see Hello Kitty on Ice in Tokyo...
"Are you sure you don't want to see Elmo Gets A Hat?"
"Noooo...I want to say Hello to the Kittyyyy!!"
"Alright, alright, let's fly to Tokyo."
Okay Jake, here's the schedule. Tell me which event you would LOOOOVE to attend.
8/13/2005 Tokyo, Japan Summer Sonic Festival 
8/14/2005 Osaka, Japan Summer Sonic Festival
8/15/2005 Tokyo, Japan Studio Coast
12/16/2005 Glasgow, Scotland, United Kingdom SECC - Glasgow
12/17/2005 Birmingham, United Kingdom The NEC Arena
12/18/2005 Manchester, United Kingdom Manchester Evening News Arena
12/21/2005 London, United Kingdom Earls Court Olympia
Let me have a chance to guess......................here?
Are you sure you don't want to see Ashlee Simpson?
Oh Jakey, you make me wanna lala on the floor.
I feel that god wants me to display the score I made on my "loyaly quiz," and I'm pleased to do it.
The George W. Bush Loyalty Quiz
10 Questions to Test Your Allegiance to President Bush
Your score is 0 on a scale of 1 to 10. You hate Bush with a writhing passion. You think he is an idiot, a liar, and a warmonger (I must add a few animal names: pig, turkey, jackass, snake, skunk, chimp, and just for fun, weasel) who has been a miserable failure as president. Nothing would give you greater pleasure than seeing him run out of the White House, except maybe seeing him dragged away in handcuffs.
“There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, ‘Fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me...you can't get fooled again.’“ –George W. Bush [09/17/2002] (That's Our President. Aren't you proud?)
Have you seen someone who looks like this?
My friend Jake is looking for this man (or a man similar to him). His name is.....Chad (Chad's are hot, quiet, but interesting once you get inside). Chad lives in.....London, but his career has him spending much of his time in Buenos Aires and L.A.If you live in Switzerland, you might look around for him, it's been his favorite place to vacation since he was a boy, so he bought a vacation home there in '02.Chad loves to dance in clubs, but he only goes to the best in the world. He spends several weekends a year in Ibiza. But he doesn't plan those weekends, he usually decides spontaneously on a Thursday or Friday to fly down. He visits so often that all the locals know him. He's the only one out of all of his friends there that isn't attached, and they all dream about him.A message for Chad: Jake is looking for you, and he's everything that you've been searching for.
Driving Antiquity
Although I am only one of a minority, I consider myself a defensive and agressive driver. I've observed, studied, concluded, and applied conclusions to the nature of traffic and my driving performance therein. I am not in any way claiming a breakthrough of knowledge, it's mostly my use of common sense and paying attention (which many drivers seem unable to afford).
A major concern of mine is the presence of senior citizens on freeways, especially in a large metropolitan area (like Houston). Although, no one can ever include every person in a group of people when naming their characteristics. Some senior citizens are able to retain their coherence and have progressed in sync with the advancement of freeways and drivers. Being said, based on experience, I consider most senior citizens to be traffic hazards, and I believe that they jeopordize the safety of themselves and other drivers.
A few reasons:
- Speed: Most seniors prefer to gain 5 to 10 less miles per hour on freeways than the posted limit; and many of them feel it is safest to do this in the leftmost lane. This causes other drivers to apply brakes and change lanes that would otherwise be unnecessary.
- Acceleration: The color green (among others) takes a great deal of time to compute into the minds of most seniors, as does the instructional impulse to "apply pressure to gas pedal," causing a lapse in time before they can accelerate. This subdues every driver behind them, forcing them to wait.
- Disorientation: Unless driving in a familiar area, most seniors give the impression of being confused, or unsure of their destination. They search diligently for the sign that identifies their exit, while still in the left lane (because it's the safest). When the find their exit, they must use their (yacht-sized) car as a traffic halt to crawl over to the exit lane. This causes a cluster of hurried drivers to form on the freeway, and in many instances a traffic jam that lasts through rush hour.
For these reasons, I believe it would be benefitial to test the coherence of drivers somewhere between the ages of 65 and 69, and senior citizens 70 and older should say goodbye to the automobile altogether.
LET'S KEEP AMERICA'S [LEFTMOST AND ALL OTHER] LANES SAFE!
